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observation de vous;

observation de moi
on isolé tiennent le premier rôle
vous ne savez pas qui vous êtes
j'ai vous ai toujours aimé
mais vous avez pris mon amour pour accordé
parole au revoir

the 4 hearts

an almost perfect lady.

August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
September 2008

honestly, after replaying it all in my mind i start to feel pretty inferior to myself -- the way i treat other people with such airs. no, not airs in the positive meaning, but rather that as in arrogant. i don't see myself doing so when i actually do it, perhaps thats what i find most intimidating. it's not until i get hit right back in my face that i realise how fucked up i am. to the extent i feel rather withdrawn from myself. i think what happened today was exactly just that. i had no explanation for the way i behaved or the things i said. but i really wanted to be alone mostly because i had seen, finally, a part of me, the part of me which causes so much hurt to other people. even through the simplest of things like what i say. i don't even think before i open my mouth. i never thought it mattered. but i actually realise now that it sucks. the feeling to hear such acute words coming from someone who means so much to you. arrows strike my heart, and tears fall. i never meant to say such mean things. i swear. so today i wanted to tell so much more than the way i acted. but i know that my words wouldn't mean anything now. because my actions would have betrayed them. and thats why i just ended up saying nothing, or rather being stumped for the first time in my life about how to express what i was feeling. it wouldnt have be understood. even i didn't understand what i felt. its not anyone but myself. i hate people who judge; yet that is what i've secretly, unknowingly been doing. how can i deserve anything. someone recently said i don't have any self-esteem at all. but i don't think it's much a question of self-esteem. i think it's more like i've always been so confident about myself but this sudden thundering realisation is unacceptable by me with just a snap of the fingers. so please forgive me. don't push me away just because i can't accept things yet. stay by me. please. i need the understanding i've always received.


"even if it means miles.. i'l be fighting t run to where yu're."

- everything's just temporary;
12:27 AM